Love Like Starlight
by Anake14
Summary: They say bond mates are truly soul mates, it is special and unique even in love, but if one of the two is unhappy the other can release the bond. It just comes at a cost.
1. Chapter 1

Love Like Starlight

Disclaimer: I do not nor will I ever own Hetalia. Everything belongs to the respective owners.

The Stars

They were always fighting and, really, Alfred questioned why they were bond mates at all, but he truly cared for Arthur and doubted he would ever be able to deny that. He suffered in silence at his insecurity and doubt that the man he was bound to returned those feelings. He knew the words were said in anger but how could he doubt them? How could he doubt a man who always told him the truth even when he didn't want to hear it? A man who had never told him he was loved?

"I hate you! How I was bound to an immature, idiotic git like you I'll never know, but I hate it! You're an insufferable prat that pretends to be a hero!"

The words echoed and rang in Alfred's ears, the silence was hollow and the room still but for the ragged breathing, but each word hurt a little more than the last. He felt his heart break in anguish before the overwhelming numbness settled in his heart. He did not notice when Arthur left the room nor did he hear the closing of the door in the deafening silence left behind. Alfred could not feel the tears that fell from his eyes, slipped off the bridge of his nose and to the floor. He didn't want to feel anything anymore, it hurt.

Alfred felt cold. The doubtless realization that Arthur would never love him both burned and chilled him, he had been terrified of knowing this, but it changed nothing between them. He walked up the stairs silently, an accomplishment since he was generally clumsy, loud, and obnoxious…at least according to his bond mate. He opened the door and stared at Arthur's still form on the bed, he watched the rise and fall of Arthur's chest in sleep, but he glowed wonderfully in the starlight. Alfred made his way over to Arthur, only the slight sound of his footsteps to be heard. Unlike other nights he did not climb in beside Arthur to curl up content and awake to the man struggling to get out of his embrace.

Alfred reached his hand out wanting to run his fingers through Arthur's hair and lean down to press a kiss to his forehead, the only true show of his love he was able to give the stubborn man and never while he was awake. He desperately wanted to, maybe just to get Arthur to understand and see his side, to know he loved him, but he couldn't do that. He couldn't force his feelings on Arthur, his love was already unhappy. He flinched back as the words from earlier echoed through his mind. He had been so foolish, to hope, to believe that his bond mate truly loved him in return. How could he have thought the beautiful, smart, sarcastic, and tempting man could ever love someone like him? He was unworthy of Arthur's love. He had been fooling himself, but he truly did wish for Arthur to be happy…even if it wasn't with him.

Arthur was his bond mate, the bond mate he loved, who was supposed to be his soul mate, his other half. Arthur was unhappy, unhappy with him, _because_ of him, so wasn't it then Alfred's duty to make his bond mate happy? To love someone was to let them go.

Alfred looked at the stars and was inspired by them as he whispered and returned his gaze to the sleeping man he loved. "Our love should have been boundless, across any distance able to withstand. Now I know it to be like the stars. Scattered and distant, never to meet and be together. I'm sorry I make you unhappy, it's the last thing I ever wanted, the last thing you deserve, so even if I can't be the bond you want I wish I could have been one every first star and shooting star I wish it, because I love you, Arthur. I always have and probably always will, but I won't keep you somewhere you don't want to be. I'll never forget you and I'll cherish every moment we had. I never meant to hurt you if I did, but I hope you find your happiness and the love you truly deserve. I release you from this bond that ties us together against your will."

As soon as the words passed his lips Alfred could feel the beginnings of the bond tying them together breaking apart. This wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to cherish Arthur and protect him, to love him and hold him, to just make him happy. Yet Arthur had only ever been unhappy with him, so this had to be his duty, to free his love even at the cost of his own happiness, because Arthur was all that mattered. He walked out of the room and closed the door, leaving the house with not a single glance back as the bonds fell, because if he had he would have tried to change the decision, to make Arthur his without care to his happiness, he would have desperately tried to show Arthur that he loved him and the bond had not been wrong, because he was his soul mate and he did not feel complete without him. However Alfred could only hope. He hoped their love was indeed like the stars and like starlight would shine forever, uniquely beautiful and in different ways to be seen.

A/N: A Change in Lifestyle, Regrets, and A Thousand Reasons are overdue to be updated namely because of writers block. This will be rectified sometime within the next week as I am currently getting help from a friend of mine to complete the next chapters for those stories. Should I do Arthur's POV? Should I continue this one after I finish the others? One shot, two shot, or short multi-chaptered story?


	2. Chapter 2

Love Like Starlight

Disclaimer: I do not nor will I ever own Hetalia. Everything belongs to the respective owners.

The Moon

Lovino felt older than he was, older than he would probably ever be if he were honest with himself. His bond mate was a man by the name of Antonio and while he thought the other man to be perfect he was also oblivious. Lovino suffered every day since their bond had formed, not that he would admit that as the other man was just so damn _happy_ he felt like he'd be the one to take all that away.

In all his life Lovino was insecure about the idea of love, the thought that he could be loved without pushing the person away and making them hate him in equal fervor to the love so proudly declared terrified him. He would never admit that, not even aloud and to himself, but in the back of his mind he knew it was the truth. It was why he so desperately pushed everyone away and was afraid of getting close or letting someone in. He didn't want to get hurt.

He had enough experience in love from watching people to know it was like the moon. Always changing, shifting, and illuminating different aspects of those involved. It was also filled with illusions that made people delude themselves into thinking a certain way, but he couldn't deny that he had already fallen into that category. He was lucky to have someone like Antonio who accepted him so openly, that Antonio fought for him even when he pushed the older man away. He was lucky to have Antonio in his life, and he would never forget that or take it for granted because no one knew how much it meant to him to have someone who saw him and looked past his flaws to find something worth loving.

…But what if it was all a lie? He was argumentative by nature, he didn't mean to say things, they just slipped. Lines were drawn and rarely did they ever cross them. Lovino had already been annoyed and frustrated beyond his limits of patience, he didn't mean for things to come this far.

Antonio's voice snapped him back to attention as he heard the last words of the entire speech that was meant to hurt thrown at him. "…you'll never be anything compared to Feliciano."

Lovino felt as if his heart stopped as he froze and his stance became rigid. The unadulterated rage in Antonio's eyes and lack of any sympathy or regret as his lover crushed his heart with knowledge that he was inferior even in his soul mate's eyes, he couldn't take it. It pierced him with such clarity and certainty that his mask slipped only for a moment before Lovino pulled himself back together and stormed to their, no, _Antonio's_ room and lay in the bed they shared more often than not. He clenched his eyes shut as his hands curled into fists near his head gripping the pillow.

Of fucking course the moment he starts letting someone in they use his insecurities against him. Of course his own bond mate would prefer his brother over him, it was typical and he shouldn't have expected anything less…but it still hurt. He had thought a bond mate would look past it all and try to help him be a better person, hell he wanted to be a better person for Antonio. He just wasn't being given a chance. He growled, his own anger peaking at the thought. He didn't need a chance anymore as Antonio made the point fairly clear the minute he crossed the line and brought Feliciano into the fight.

He would never be good enough in Antonio's eyes so why bother? Why not release their bond and find someone who might actually like him for him? It would be difficult, but he could do it. Going off alone wasn't ideal, but maybe he could find some comfort elsewhere. He drifted off thinking of new plans for a new beginning releasing his love so Antonio would no longer have to put up with someone he didn't like and Lovino could leave behind his insecurities in hopes of finding someone who would understand and if not come to love him then at least care for him and his opinions.

It was evening when Lovino woke, the sun already down and the stars out. Antonio was beside him and he felt his lips twitch into a smile before it turned to a scowl as he remembered their earlier argument and the man's cruel words. He tore his gaze away from the man as he got up quietly and only briefly paused at the door, whispered words remaining behind as he walked away and didn't look back. "I'm sorry you don't think I'm good enough either, but I cared for you far more than anyone I ever have. Like the moon when it is at its fullest and shines brightest, radiating light reflected from the sun, you were my sun and would have made me shine best. I hope you find what you are looking for, Antonio. Find your happiness and cherish it. I release you from this bond that ties us together against your will."

He walked away, each step getting further away from the man he had slowly grown to love and had shaped his life around. The bonds fell, like strings cut loose until the last freyed strand snapped under pressure. A snap from the trees off to the side startled him into looking.

"Lovino?"

"Alfred?"

The incredulity in their tones equally matching the other's as they stared at each other. Alfred broke the silence. "Shouldn't you be home with Antonio?"

"Shouldn't you be with that tea loving bastard?" Lovino snapped back, before looking down.

"I guess I deserved that," Alfred said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Arthur…was hurting because of the bond so…"

"You broke it," Lovino finished, the emptiness from the missing bond settling itself. He felt hollow, was this how Alfred felt? Like he was missing part of himself and was no longer whole? So incomplete?

"Yeah," Alfred murmured softly. "You too?"

Lovino nodded his head, both were unwilling to say more as they walked forward for a bit longer. It was Alfred who came up with the idea. "Do you…want to travel together? It's probably a bad idea to stay here."

Lovino looked at him strangely. "You wouldn't mind? Me being…" his words trailed, he really didn't want to think about it.

Alfred smiled. "You're not that bad. You're a good cook and besides, being alone would be lonely. At least we sort of know each other."

Lovino smiled at that. "You're probably the first person to even consider that a good thing. Everyone else spends time…"

"Hey don't do that!" Alfred said suddenly. "Stop trailing off like your gonna say something wrong or stupid. That's my job. I know I don't always act smart and everyone thinks I'm a joke, but it's wrong for you to make yourself feel like that! You're fine Lovino. Sure, you can be grumpy and short-tempered, but that doesn't make you a bad person or bad at the things you do. You're better than I am at cooking and art and all sorts of cultural stuff I don't get."

Lovino stared at Alfred. He was the first person to make anything he did sound like it was good, like he was good at something and not second best to his brother. It made him feel a little bit better and soothed away the numb feeling left behind by the broken bond.

"Thank you," he muttered softly, blushing and staring at the floor.

Alfred smiled largely at him. "No problem. So…shall we?" he asked, purposely bowing and offering his arm to Lovino in a show of friendship, earning him a small laugh from the other man.

"Fine, but if you try anything I reserve the right to cause you physical harm, bastard," Lovino said already half-fond of the man he never even thought knew his name. Alfred may not be the sun he had in Antonio, but some of the loss ebbed away. Alfred was definitely a ray of light in the darkness, a star shining and waiting for someone to make a wish so he might make it come true. He could let Alfred heal him some and maybe he could help Alfred too. The two continued down their chosen path, hearts aching from loss, but slightly uplifted in a new formed friendship that they knew would ground them and give them some hope.

A/N: So…this could have gone better and I totally could have done Arthur's POV…but I decided Lovino and Antonio should be in this and next chapter will be Antonio and Arthur. Basically their reactions to the broken bonds and a bit of Lovino and Alfred travelling will be the next chapter. Maybe an epilogue.


	3. Chapter 3

Love Like Starlight

Disclaimer: I do not nor will I ever own Hetalia. Everything belongs to the respective owners.

The Sun

Arthur and Alfred's House

Arthur's head throbbed in the morning light, almost like he had a hangover, but he knew it wasn't so because he hadn't been drinking the night before. He had cried himself to sleep then. His relationship with Alfred frustrated him to no end, but yesterday something…something had broken. He realized this with startling clarity as the events rushed back to him. The stupid argument and the fight that followed, the heartbroken look on Alfred's face that made him feel ashamed after he had shouted those damning words.

"_I hate you! How I was bound to an immature, idiotic git like you I'll never know, but I hate it! You're an insufferable prat that pretends to be a hero!"_

_Lies_. Why couldn't he have been honest for once? Told Alfred he found his quirks endearing but a bit too overwhelming sometimes?

He was cold and the blinds were open meaning Alfred had not joined him last night. When Arthur tried to reach for their bond he couldn't feel Alfred, couldn't sense him at all. Only two things could have caused that, either Alfred's death…or the relinquishing of the bond. Arthur's breath hitched. He hadn't meant those words, he _hadn't_; he needed Alfred, Alfred who cared, who stayed with him, who made him feel like he _mattered_ to someone.

His breathing hitched as he felt his insides churn, pain sharp as knives made him curl up as he felt the broken bond, jagged and torn with such a helpless and whimsical tune he knew that Alfred must have done it for him. Alfred must have given him up because he believed Arthur and wanted to give him something and now Alfred was changing. It was the price paid for a severed bond, to feel without knowing the depth of love and the one to break it would suffer while the one who was released could feel the suffering. A double-edged blade wielded in a battle of the heart.

He shuddered as he vaguely recalled what he had thought to be a dream.

"_Our love should have been boundless, across any distance able to withstand. Now I know it to be like the stars. Scattered and distant, never to meet and be together. I'm sorry I make you unhappy, it's the last thing I ever wanted, the last thing you deserve, so even if I can't be the bond you want I wish I could have been, on every first star and shooting star I wish it, because I love you, Arthur. I always have and probably always will, but I won't keep you somewhere you don't want to be. I'll never forget you and I'll cherish every moment we had. I never meant to hurt you if I did, but I hope you find your happiness and the love you truly deserve. I release you from this bond that ties us together against your will."_

That had been Alfred's voice. It had been his words, but he hadn't thought the other would give him up so suddenly, that he wouldn't try to work it out a little longer. Grief replaced any simmering anger he could have felt. He had done this to them. He was responsible for their severed bond. Now he had to fix it. With that in mind he got dressed and set off from the house.

Antonio and Lovino's House

Antonio awoke alone. Not that he wasn't expecting it, of course he was, because yesterday had been one of the worst fights he and Lovino had had with one another. It was of no consequence really, they always said things they didn't mean, avoided talking about it, and let life continue.

It took him longer to awaken than normal, but even still it was only because he realized the house was silent. It was never silent. Lovino was always cursing something, or humming, or trying to hide his beautiful singing voice that Antonio just loved, but no. There was nothing but a still, cold silence that made his chest ache for some reason.

Where was his Lovino? Where was the man who he had come to love despite his constant lies and false anger whose eyes gave away his true emotions and never let anyone else get close enough to see him? He got up and searched the house to find it empty and after getting dressed he went outside to search the fields Lovino loved to spend hours tending to, yet still he could not find his love.

He tried to think back to the fight. Lovino had said something and he had said something and Lovino had gotten upset which made him upset and it kept going until he snapped – oh. He had snapped at his beloved. He had hurt his Lovino, the words he had said that had hurt his lover hit him with a force far stronger than any fight he had ever been in with some of the others.

"…_you'll never be anything compared to Feliciano."_

It killed him to recall the look of utter betrayal and, worse, _acceptance_ of such a comment in Lovino's eyes. He had thought Lovino would yell back, had thought to hear an argument, but he had done the unforgivable and hurt his bond mate, his soul mate, comparing him to his brother. He had known that would hurt him. He had _known_ it.

Antonio felt for the bond, reaching for the other half of his soul, desperate to try and send reassurance through their bond, to find where Lovino had gone so he could apologize properly…he couldn't feel anything but the shatters left by a torn bond. He imagined that must have been what his beloved was like, so easy to break but pretending to be strong. He had always looked strong even when he took other's words to heart and Antonio hated knowing he was responsible for destroying that light. The bond was scattered, hurt, widely scattered, but if he could find Lovino before he changed completely maybe he could get him back. Maybe the bond would be accepted again. Because he needed him.

On the road with Lovino and Alfred

Their friendship was quickly reinforced as they made their way down the road. Jokes and sarcastic quips traded back and forth, the topic of family and soul mates avoided easily. They fell into an easy sort of camaraderie. They didn't care that before the prior evening they knew little to nothing about the other, didn't care that they had never so much as acknowledged the other's presence beyond half-hearted greetings with their 'friends' and the others they knew in town.

"So what did you want to be?" Alfred asked curiously.

"Honestly? An architect. I mean, buildings, their history, all of it is one huge work of art, you know?" Lovino said, blushing as he described the one thing he honestly loved with a passion. His brother had painting and some sculptures, but he had building designs and fountains and beautifully drawn ideas for homes and other areas. "What about you?"

Alfred scratched the back of his head smiling sheepishly. "When I was little I wanted to be a scientist, I mean, it's so cool how much it just makes sense and describes everything and how much more there is to learn, but as I got older I realized I wanted to help people. I can't be a superhero or someone who's always reliable, let's face it, I'm only human, but I could help in other ways. Sure there are plenty of ways a scientist can help, but I want to physically be the one to help, so I started learning to be a doctor…maybe it's just my age, but most people don't think I can do it."

Lovino looked at the man uncertainly. Alfred looked down, a bit disappointed at the thought that no one thought he could do it, but Lovino wasn't someone who was capable of reassuring others. It always came out wrong. "Quit looking like that idiot. If you think you can do then do it. Giving up means everyone else is right."

Alfred smiled genuinely at him. "Thanks, Lovino."

Lovino couldn't help the blush or the stammered reply. Alfred was the first person to ever thank him with such sincerity…it felt nice.

"Let's rest here," Alfred said, it was a clearing, well a meadow really, not to big, but still open enough they could be comfortable for a bit.

With Arthur and Antonio

Arthur was frustrated, furious, and completely irritated. He had followed Alfred's footprints outside and down the road all the way up to the damn forest. Who the hell chooses to follow an unknown path through a forest?! Not only was it too hot, but he had run into Antonio who claimed similarly to be looking for Lovino.

"Oi! They went this way you damn Spaniard!" Arthur called to the other man.

Antonio looked at Arthur in annoyance, but said nothing as they continued walking down the path. While the bonds were faint they could both feel a pull still. A call to the other who still held their hearts.

"I can't believe I have to search with you," Arthur grumbled.

"Oh, like you can talk. You're probably the reason Alfred left! He was such a nice young man and he cared more for you than you deserve!" Antonio shot at the man.

Arthur glared. "Oh, and you probably said something stupid that sent Lovino running."

The two of them glared at each other but did not talk as they continued their walk through the forest. When they reached the clearing it was easy to spot the other two, lying side by side resting contentedly near each other. It was almost sickeningly sweet how the two curled up like they had been the best of friends and only spent their time dwindling it away with idle chatter until they collapsed.

Arthur glared at the pair, a feeling of resentment welling up inside him, but it faded just as quickly with the pang of longing that he was the one next to Alfred not Lovino. That he had been at fault and caused the other man's departure, yet he was before him, and their bond still pulsed with a blazing light that could rival the sun. He would make sure they would come out of this okay. Arthur turned his gaze to Antonio questioningly, seeing a similar sort of longing.

"Wake them up?"

He nodded in agreement and the two gently woke the others.

Alfred woke first. "Wha's goin' on?"

Arthur glared a bit at the horrible grammar but it quickly turned to irritated fondness as he said. "You made me search for you. On a blazing hot day. Through a bloody forest. Did you even think before you broke the bond? It wouldn't have put us together if I didn't feel anything for you too, git! I love you!"

Alfred blinked awake before the words registered and a smile split across his face. "Really?"

"Of course really, you-" Arthur scoffed but was quickly cut off by Alfred hugging him and kissing his lips.

Similarly, Antonio woke Lovino. "Ngh…go 'way, bastard…"

Cute~! Antonio squealed inwardly. "Lovino, mi amore, wake up, I've come to take you home…"

Lovino shot up quickly. "No! You, you get away! I left damn it! You stronzo! I broke the bond so you could be free, _happy_, why would you come after me?!"

Antonio grabbed Lovino's wrist holding him in place, searching Lovino's eyes with his trying to find the love the other had. Even in the shattered heart of his love it remained strong. That pure love only Lovino could give him. "I only want you. I only need you. I only _love_ you, mi amore. I've no wish to separate from you. I will love you and only you for always. Come back, beloved?"

Lovino looked at Antonio hesitantly. Could he really mean that? Despite all of everything Lovino did and all his mistakes, could Antonio truly want him back?

"Okay." It was simple. Such a simple agreement, but the words made Antonio smile widely before he too pulled his lover in for a kiss.

They may have all had a rough start. Everything may have been difficult and sure there were lots of fighting and arguments, but now they had come to an understanding. All of their eyes closed as the bonds pulsed back to life; they didn't notice the radiant light that surrounded the clearing, the glow bright like the sun that signified glorious reunion and acceptance. It was a bond of not only friendship, but love that had gone through the worst of their hardships. There would always be more, but never would they require the crippling reassurance the bond was right. Never again would they be able to doubt the others love and sever it in a moment of weakness. Their love would burn brightly, like the sun.

A/N: All that's left is a small epilogue. Please review, I'd love to know what you guys thought.


	4. Chapter 4

Love Like Starlight

Disclaimer: I do not nor will I ever own Hetalia. Everything belongs to the respective owners.

Epilogue: The Sky

Not everything was perfect after the couples made up. They ended up having a major talk about personal feelings and what words should be off limits in arguments to prevent further misunderstandings. As time went by though, Lovino and Alfred would look back and think that without the incident, no matter how bad it had been, they wouldn't have been as good friends as they are now.

Seasons changed, time passed, but the love, it constantly passed through the bonds the pairs had gained, it was different and wonderful all at once with how much deeper they could feel each other now they had accepted each other beyond the small differences.

"Where do you think we'd be today without this?" Lovino asked Antonio, they sat outside with Arthur and Alfred, staring up at the night sky thinking of how much their love had grown.

"I don't know and I don't want to know. I can't imagine my life without you in it," Antonio responded. Lovino looked over at the man, his face slightly aged, crowsfeet and laugh lines visible.

"I don't think I could either," he said as he leaned over and kissed the other man, his hand wrapped in Antonio's reveling in the closeness.

Alfred watched as his friend leaned against Antonio. He was happy for them, that things had worked out and their issues resolved.

"What are you thinking about, love?" Arthur asked.

He turned to look at Arthur, his hand covering Arthur's on the wet grass. "Nothing, beautiful. Just admiring the sky."

He had first thought their love like starlight, but now…now it was like the sky. Endless and crossing whatever distance put between them.


End file.
